How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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