How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
