Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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