"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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