no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
