I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
