I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
