Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
