We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
