my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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