Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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