What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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