I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
