His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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