Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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