I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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