They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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