I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
is wine microwaveable?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
