I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
