She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He passed out mid-signature
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
