I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
