you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
