she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
