I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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