So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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