I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
