I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize