My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
