dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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