I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
