so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
