Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
