It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
