you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Randomize
