lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
