I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
