C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
