Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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