I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she peed on how many people?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
