The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
