you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He passed out mid-signature
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
