So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
