i jhust puked up my retainher.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
