like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
