If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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