South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
