i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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