We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
