Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize