and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
