can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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