Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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