Whoa Z and x make the same sound
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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