how can u be prego again
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
