You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
