sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
