Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
