You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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