and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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