she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize