rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
