I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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