You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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