like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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